FanFic FINAL FANTASY VI: Random musing
by MARYXULA
Summary: Fragments of a unique mind and a unrepeatable life (Drabbles written in first person for Kefka Palazzo)
1. Past self 1

**Fandom:** Final Fantasy VI (Squaresoft/Square-Enix)

 **Character:** Kefka Palazzo (Pre-Insanity)

 **Word:** Power

Fear?

I shouldn´t be afraid, They should be afraid.

Afraid of this and afraid of me because whatever happens to me, It´s what I want or what I truly think I want.

But I guess It´s a little scarying specially because I´ve wanted it all my life and now I´m having it.


	2. New self 1

**Fandom:** Final Fantasy VI (Squaresoft/Square-Enix)

 **Character:** Kefka Palazzo

 **Word:** present

I always hear their voices, always from far corners, difficult to understand but persistent, even If they are very annoying, all I do is ignore them because are so irrevelant, meaningless for me. Once the door is closed behind me the murmurs are also behind, so that only my steps echo walking in such big room while I approach him.

The sharp tone of his uniform seems to come alive in every move he makes like a crimson river and It hipnotize me. Which is why I like this type of material but before his scrutineers and old eyes I realize I can´t allow myself to recreate with anything. Neither the resplendor that create the weak rays of the sun behind the large windows that surround us on the golden badge hooked on his chest. I huff and feign interest when He starts talking.

 _Congratulations, Kefka Palazzo._

These are the words that The old and grumpy Emperor give me showing a pride I can´t understand but I must share. Referring to me with my full name, something He rarely does. I know why he does it, I don´t need to lisen to those murmurs out and inside my head, I´m a precious piece because I do what He wants however I just do it for myself, for my own reasons even If these reasons have lost part of their previous meaning.

 _This is for you, for another year at the serve of The Empire._

My eyes are opened thanks the intense glare of the molten gold just as soon the dagger of medium size is disclosed. Although I smile and making another great effort I appreciate the gift and honor that entails, I´m only able to think of how funny it would be to behead his throat with it. Without a word, I put it in the only place I can resulting be under the colorful hankies covering my waist and turning around I leave him in the immensity of his great office. All the red and gold colors dissipate too.


	3. Past self 2

**Fandom:** Final Fantasy VI (Squaresoft/Square-Enix)

 **Character:** Kefka Palazzo (Pre-Insanity)

 **Word:** Life

It´s the same as happens in the theater.

In some point you choose a role to learn and interpret. That does not mean the interpreted character is your true self but the more you immerse yourself in the demanded background the better is the interpretation right? The beliefs that will influence their way of thinking, the experiences that will determine their personality or the knowledge of the relationships that will make their different moods flourish because every little detail matters. The public is judging, quietly sitting, comfortably in a seat.

The difference is you do it continuously.

There is no running of curtains hiding you from the public or a person telling you that you can return to your dressing room and take a deserved break.

So at the end of the day, inside your quarter your only selfish thought is taking off your uniform and lie on the bed until you fall asleep.


	4. New self 2

**Fandom:** Final Fantasy VI (Squaresoft/Square-Enix)

 **Character:** Kefka Palazzo

 **Word:** Impression

I didn´t fully understand the reason until I read the letter in the middle of his desk. I sensed because of his continued smile he was in a good mood when I entered in his office because he didn´t stop smiling with his chin resting on his interlaced fingers. He doesn´t usually smile like that while he is busy with his documents, on the contrary, he adopts a serious and thoughtful air that doesn´t favor him.

 _ _Oh!__

I covered my mouth with my right hand, whose index finger served as a guide so as not to repeat the same word in my reading and looking away from the paper to fix them on Leo, I gave him a look of satisfaction similar to that of a child who has just solved the last problem in his math exercise book.

With less speed than I had shown in taking the letter, I placed it in the place my quick eyes had discovered it by using the hand that held it. Judging by the expression on his face, my comrade seemed to expect something more. My red lips curved imitating his own perhaps more unintentionally as I carried almost all my weight on the surface of the solid table, thus limiting the distance between our faces and gave him some words:

 _ _You deserve it.__

Having said that, after watching his reaction carefully, I turned away. His head was crouched so I could not see much but I imagined that a blush was spreading across his dark cheeks as his smile grew. His short hair felt like very tempting to touch, raising my arm without any shame I didn´t contain the impulse, it felt so soft between my elongated fingers. Leo finally lifted his head laughing and holding me with little pressure the wrist he separated my fingers from his blond and reduced hair.

 _ _Thank you very much, Kefka.__ He showed his sincere gratitude before resuming his duty, carefully folding the letter he kept in one of the drawers that his desk had underneath without losing his smile. __It means a lot to me.__

Leo had managed to surpass the evaluation that guaranteed him a superior rank by himself, that letter was the official confirmation.

 _ _I know.__

It was noticeable.


	5. Past self 3

**Fandom:** Final Fantasy VI (Squaresoft/Square-Enix)

 **Character:** Kefka Palazzo (Pre-Insanity)

 **Word:** Sunrise

 _ _Well, well!__

I was startled by an excited and incredulous voice followed by an annoying pat on the back, silently observing the views the small window of a long series offered sitting, feeling the smooth sway of the tram as it traveled through the city.

 _ _It's soldier Palazzo!__ __True?__

The owner continued chattering loudly sitting next to me without noticing my lack of interest when I returned my gaze to the window.

 _ _What a great surprise! Neither bet a gil that you would be admitted to the project.__

He commented to me with laughter.

I had to grit my teeth before addressing him with the best of smiles and politely asking him to leave me alone. Thing he understood for his relief quickly, he probably accused it at the dawn of the day. We were summoned earlier than we already used to leave the quarters.

 _ _Yeah, better come to our side!__

It was exclaimed from another area of the interior of the vehicle by another soldier looking corpulent under the dark green coat that protected him from the coolness of the first hours of the morning.

I remembered the trip was short because of the beauty that I contemplated. As the sun slowly rose above the orange and red sky, its glow over the buildings gave the sensation of setting them on fire as if the solid ruby material melted with the domes of amber-painted glass, melting like molten gold. I thought that If that was going to be the last time my eyes would see Vector, it couldn´t be more beautiful. It always was but that day with more reason.


	6. New self 3

**Fandom:** Final Fantasy VI (Squaresoft/Square-Enix)

 **Character:** Kefka Palazzo

 **Word:** Preference

Why choose just one piece of the pie when the whole pie is yours?

Why choose a part when the set of each part makes the doll in a perfect figure to play with?

That was the problem with simple minds, my men only were able to focus their attention in one thing but for one that wasn´t enough, seriously, the mere question was annoying. As ordinary as they were before my narrowed eyes.

Of course one indulgenced himself at the view of her round and soft breast undiscovered. With those pink nipples in the middle of her pale high mass. So tempting not to appreciate her form between the fingers, every one of them long and thin or rubbing against her upturned bottom, with firm and easily pinkish buttocks. One wasn´t made of stone but one used to be twice forced to contain his desires for good times.

However one also loved kissing her neck, long and delicate like a swan´s after smelling her wavy and blond hair, always, at closing his eyes bringing him sensations of magic and the fragance of wild flowers, or laying his naked torso on the spacious back of her while one was inside her. Mmm yeah, there were so many good parts that those idiots tended to forget.

Poor poor dummies! I used to think with a sneer. They would never know what was the best thing because It wasn´t just one…


	7. Past self 4

**Fandom:** Final Fantasy VI (Squaresoft/Square-Enix)

 **Character:** Kefka Palazzo (Pre-Insanity)

 **Word:** Apathy

Although it's hard to believe, the times I spend most of my time sitting looking to the front instead of focusing on the papers in the middle of my desk ready to be filled with black words have increased.

Knowing that it is a loss, no better said, a genuine waste of valuable time, stopped to contemplate what a common door possesses or what some small nearby picture shows, usually a floral theme.

And the music flows from another office, judging the intensity, not very far. A subtle stimulus that at least causes a small impulse and following it Oh miracle! I take my fountain pen again but wetting the tip of dark ink when I put it quickly on the thin surface the impetus fades with equal speed.

Got damn!

The worst is if in each attempt I achieve to write a group of words, no matter how small I am not satisfied, I am not encouraged to increase the number. What I transmit feels forced, coarse and even too simple to come from a man of my position, so much that contorting my face with disgust, my own hands discard it crumpling the paper before throwing it.

I used to be so productive, I felt so energetic and now I´m so idle, I feel so stuck… Trapped in procrastination.

But of course, this concern of mine is a minuteness compared to the problems the society in which I live cause to others as I don´t even have the right to think like that, even less to complain because everything I do is simply write documents in the comfort of a clean office with strong armchairs made with good materials.

Well, consider it a personal realization of what is becoming my life. It's not that it matters too much.


	8. New self 4

**Fandom:** Final Fantasy VI (Squaresoft/Square-Enix)

 **Character:** Kefka Palazzo

 **Word:** Revenge

Being sincere, I wanted him dead, very dead, drowned by his own blood and saliva but having to necessarily deny me that pleasure, i thought to do something the same or worse than death…

Without a requirement of his presence in my office or notes that report a punishment to be executed as would have been the procedure to follow I opted for the element of surprise. Curiously, what I had in mind resembled a preparation activity in case of falling into the hands of the enemy executed in soldiers without prior information until in recent years there were many complaints, considered inhumane. Preceded by the pressure, Gestahl eventually gave in and that exercise was removed from the program. Though I know it bothered him enough according to his thoughts. The discovery was magnificent!

It quickly became a hobby with my desire to perfect the tactics, allowing me to give free rein to my creativity because, as little as I like to say it, at first it was somewhat risky to take the subject to an appropriate place.

I had so many ideas that to choose one and sticking to it was not easy because there were so many ways to start the game. Tying him was a must, even with the thick iron gate closed, the little lamb would do everything in his power to escape although there would be no show to see some pathetic attempt to escape. My eyes went up to the ceiling and the decision was made, biting the lower lip with the upper one while an image acquired clarity in my subconscious. The flow of bloody fluid falling and its fall coloring the floor under the hanging body, tracing reddish ambiguous forms. Extra points if he peed on like the wretch that … Whose name I do not remember or is not worth being given.

It took me a while to tie it and then leave it suspended as it should have been. The excitement caused my fingers to tremble as I knotted the cords to his ankles enough tight. What would have needed the use of a chair or another man was surmountable thanks to the magic, floating I reached in the blink of an eye the iron hook attached to the ceiling by which to tie the free side of the rope. Once well tied, I let the rest fall with the soldier being hung like a puppet. Abrupt awakening for the boy!

 _ _Sshh … Toy.__ I silenced him, placing a gloved hand over his mouth, wide-eyed, the scream drowning as he lost his voice. __Reserve your voice for what is to come.__ I added against one of his ears, grabbing him by the other hand with his hair.

I knew the moment I turned around and went to the rough wooden table where a selection of instruments specially designed for torture awaited me, he would try to undo my knot, taking a simple cup of tea between my fingers, tilting my head a little, as I turned, I observed his efforts with satisfaction. I adknowledged to myself that those times of hunting with the Emperor had at least been worth something.

 _ _Don't get tired, you will not be able to undo it. I have done it especially for you, with extra affection.__ I told him mocking, advancing towards him, automatically dropped again, his face flushed with frustration and determination. __To see that deep inside I'm not so bad, I offer you a drink before.__

Which he rejected by turning his head with energy as I brought the cup to his lips. Lifting a thin golden brow, I chuckled, shaking my head, barely emitting loud laughter but the opposite, showing him both rows of my teeth, before proceeding to force him by grabbing his head hard and taking advantage of the scream that escaped his mouth to pour the content inside. Squinting I did not walk with more courtesies and taking another rope I tied his hands.

 _ _But if you prefer me to be, I will be it…__ I let him know by squeezing the rope to a point it could cause a cessation of circulation. __Let's come to the point then!__ I exclaimed throwing the rest of the beverage over his head and throwing away the empty cup whose collision with the solid wall divided it into multiple pieces loudly.

In a few strides I came back to the table with the material, my eyes moving fast from one object to another sparkling with illusion and the smile twisting. What was the first thing he did with my doll? Oh yes, surely he stared at her, I reasoned, taking one of the elongated instruments, the one that seemed the most suitable to nail in each one of his expressive eyes. Letting out a new chuckle, hiding the weapon, I went back to the center where he was pretending not to shiver to cover up the unrest caused by my laughter.

Oh how they shone when the piercing weapon was revealed! An image to remember plunged into the darkness in which I was going to leave him. With a fluid movement of the hand that held it, the tip struck in the middle, just in the rounded pupil expanding in horror, the pain in so sensitive one amplified by the drug I had made him swallow, the wet circular surface soon impregnated with red. His scream, music to my ears, a note being lengthened until it broke when the source of the pain was removed with crudeness. His tears dyed of the same color as the fine metal was extracted. Although with the other eye I had to keep it open with the help of two fingers under and above it, the same thing happened.

The next thing was to silence him. I was absolutely convinced that more than a simple and inoffensive greeting he would have dared to offer my precious Terra. The cut on his tongue could have been executed with the same element I cleaned with a rag but that would have been too hasty, too benevolent, it would not compensate each and every one of the words formulated which led me to choose another less effective weapon in his cut. I remember that between my fingers I caressed at the beginning without much precision the blade on the humid and thick meat, increasing it to each caress. The blood mixing with the already red surface. Another sensitive area, judging the noises the boy produced while I persistently pulled his tongue so he would not hide it.

The following assumption would have caused me to pluck every finger of rennet directly. The mere thought was enough to ignite me, all the space around me warming dangerously, I refused to form an image in my head or that would have awakened the flames. Twisting them and burning their tips would have to suffice.

With reluctance, I took care he would not bleed by bandaging his eyes and forcing him to keep another white cloth inside his mouth before releasing him totally and leaving him to his fate like a homeless little animal in some area of the vast Vector. Beyond that I did not care if he would end up drowning or not, in my thought I was using an undeserved piety.


	9. Past self 5

**Fandom:** Final Fantasy VI (Squaresoft/Square-Enix)

 **Character:** Kefka Palazzo

 **Word:** Values

Why can´t I own good things in my life? ¿Why can´t I own beautiful thing in my life?

No matter how hard I try to keep them, each and every one of them perish before my own eyes and my own hands in vain attempts to preserve them.

I have always believed that I would find the one with which It would be different, that all my efforts to take care of them would be worth it, because even with them I would be better but they always end up moving away from me…

That's when I start thinking,

What if I made a mistake? What if instead of being so good, I should have been the opposite?

The mere possibility enrages me… Because I, I know always what the villain got is taken away!

And I end up hating myself for thinking in such thing.


	10. New self 5

**Fandom:** Final Fantasy VI (Squaresoft/Square-Enix)

 **Character:** Kefka Palazzo

 **Word:** Monster

That work had been denied to me along with a few others, achieved practically with the effort and perseverance of what seemed more than half a life. However, the knowledge of it was not enough to stop me. In need of new fuel with which to embute my private machinery and the desire to visit one of our treasures.

In fact, I was not even half as cruel as I usually am dealing with my peers in a daily dose, just as much as the procedure required.

Once the capsule of great demensión and resistant metallic structure was opened connected to the engine that provided freshness to the interior, the poor creature weakened quickly exposed to the heat that impregnated the air around us due to the steam of other machines. It was almost touching how her small body shuddered while her breathing was difficult, carried between my arms along the way.

Arriving at a room having previously crossed the extensive gallery in which the specimens inhabited, each one in its corresponding tube, first placing the glacial creature on the only flat surface, I deliberately half-closed the metal door that would hide us. Again in front of the creature, I closed my eyes to contain my excitement, inhaling strong by the nose as much concentration would be necessary during the completion of the puncture, painted hands a few centimeters from my face, slightly hiding my eyes until they were open. She remained shrunken all the time, in the same position that I deposited her, without trying to escape in rare opportunities as during the previous preparation of the machines and the thin tubes attached to the needle, barely resisting, barely emitting sound, only opening suddenly her eyes when the needle penetrated her skin, eyes of an impressive blue tone meeting mine, my other hand holding her when the tube began to exert more painful pressure moved by the machine in action. Looking away, at the tube direction I noticed how her elongated and delicate fingers were twisted, nails probably sunk into her own flesh. I laughed seeing its interior filling with the color of the substance being extracted.

 _ _After all, there is no other purpose for your kin than this, m'dear__

Close, very close to her face writhing quietly in pain, I parted my bloody-red lips to communicate, words whispered next to her ear, vibrating through the auditory pavilion until the wave was lost.

 _ _But you already were aware of that from the beginning and unlike the others you did not fight back, resisting with the grace of a queen__

I continued to dedicate this Esper a few words, the same shared each time the procedure was performed in the privacy of the room. With the security of having fixed the catheter unifying the needle and the tube with the help of some adhesive tape I used my fingers to remove some of her hair, fine and pale like threads of linen.

 _ _It was from that beginning that you became my favorite specimen to examine__

That said, I allowed myself to press my lips on her forehead before making the agony increase by augmenting the speed of the mechanism leaving her dry…

Returning her to the capsule, taking care to place each wire in the corresponding place on her exquisite body I noticed the golden orbs of the closest companion glowing enraged behind the dense glass, the heated air that came out of the nostrils of his nose fogging it. Tilting my head a little, I dedicated the Esper a twisted smile thinking in the possibility of needing also fuel from his element before leaving the facility.


	11. Past self 6

**Fandom:** Final Fantasy VI (Squaresoft/Square-Enix)

 **Character:** Kefka Palazzo

 **Word:** Laugh

I will not lie, although it was not exactly in my intentions that time, the burning of the Emperor, which was purely accidental, I had never felt more euphoric in my whole life. If the unfolding of the magical flames had already excited me, that overexcited me.

Not even able to remember what caused it exactly, I still remember the sensation, the resonance of my own voice breaking into loud laughter as my body trembled still in flames.

According to Cid before that, It was a tough time for my custodians and the nursing service because I had many attacks of uncontrollable laughter, every time I made the fire come up specially, laughing like a maniac until I literally was unable to breathe…


	12. New self 6

**Fandom:** Final Fantasy VI (Squaresoft/Square-Enix)

 **Character:** Kefka Palazzo

 **Word:** Humanity

 ** **OH YEAH!**** Now this ****DOES**** begin to be ****worth it!****

 ** **Leo, Leo,**** only on these special occasions, I have the opportunity to show myself as I am. The rumors are just words, ****BLAH, BLAH, BLAH,**** just like ****YOU**** can show you how you really are … Well, at least that's what I'm waiting for. I want to see you play and I want to see you enjoy our little game, think about the people that look at us, they expect something great. Would not it be discourtesy on our part not to give them a show worth seeing ** **?****

 ** **Besides…****

 ** **Leo, Leo, Leo,**** there is nothing like seeing a man in action to know clearly what he is like. Both ****YOU**** and ****I**** are able to perceive those little details that people do not usually consider because it is part of our duty, right ** **?**** Well, do not behave like a fearful cadet, you know better than me that even wishing it with my whole being I should not kill you. That old and grumpy Gestahl does not take his eyes off us, well accompanied by the court of idiots and hypocrites who follow him and lick his black and shiny leather boots, tell me Leo, there is nothing worse than that Hm ** **?**** At least you look like a frank guy, hopefully you were direct too. Frank and direct as a punch in the face.

I think you start to disappoint me… ****Once**** ** **MORE!****

Well, it's okay, as always, I'll have to be the one to get the beast out of the cage. I do not know if you have noticed but there are many more toys to play with. What spell would you like to receive first ** **?**** ****YOU**** and ****YOUR**** muscular body well protected under the sturdy fabric used to compose your uniform and the different pieces of metal that make up your golden armor are like a limestone mass long exposed to the sun but I assure you that precisely because of that, we are going to have a good time testing your hardness and when that which protects you is useless in my power, I will ****stroke**** your ****brown skin**** and ** **paint**** it ****red.****

 ** **YES! YES! LEO! YES! OH! AND EVERYONE WILL SEE IT! IT WILL BE BEAUTIFUL!****

Do you know something else, ****Leo?**** I should be the one to wear that and not you… It was the reason why they dragged me here. To be a good soldier… I'll have to continue to settle for being the right hand of the old man.


	13. Past self 7

**Fandom:** Final Fantasy VI (Squaresoft/Square-Enix)

 **Character:** Kefka Palazzo

 **Word:** Stranger

 _ _Time to wake up, Master Kefka.__

A nice voice told me. Judging by the sharpness of each sound, approaching. How was it possible? If the person was moving around the room, I should perceive the sound of the sole of their shoes. I think it calmed me a bit to open my eyes and sitting up to distinguish under the bed a carpet that almost covered the middle of the floor. I nodded slowly and followed her with my eyes. When she started to pull back the curtains of heavy fabric for a moment I gritted my teeth, fearing the effects of the sun's luminosity, but it relaxed me enough that the space between them was small, enough to dissipate the darkness. Someone must have previously informed them of my visual hypersensitivity.

 _ _Master Kefka, what do you think if while I take care of taking out your clothes, you go to the bathroom to clean up?__

I hear her again, making a jovial suggestion to me before disappearing.

Honestly, I did not even know why I had bothered to follow her direction when I did not feel anything, not even a dash of encouragement to start my activities but staying in bed all the time did not favor me either. Pulling the sheets and blankets over them, I left the bed slightly staggering as if the ground was shaking, I could feel my lips curling as the sensation subsided. Placing my two open hands on the wooden surface, I took a deep breath before lifting my head and observing the reflection the crystal offered. The spectral vision of a lost identity. A stranger as well as a well-known young man with long golden tufts hiding a large part of his exaggeratedly pale face. Casting back some of them I noticed with more clarity its components, drawing a look more my attention the lack of color even on lips. The common pink that every caucasian possesses had become a subtle lilac as a corpse. Noticing the urge to scream emerging I turned abruptly and turning my back I forced myself to close my eyes while I took a breath several times. The question resisting disappearing from my mind.

 ** **Who you are?****

Calm again I concentrated on the task that had brought me to the sink. Submerging my head in the water. Neither very cold nor very hot as my body demanded even in confrontation with both extremes. A deep sigh escaped from the depths of my throat to my mouth removing my head from the white porcelain container. Glancing my eyes to the side, I found a towel to dry myself with. When I finished, I went to the bedroom. In fact, she had been in charge of organizing and extending the clothes she would carry in the newly made bed. My eyes are narrowed recognizing the monochromatic piece. One more day the same tone, one more day I have to feel the roughness of that fabric. Judging the sting that my uniform produces, my body agrees to my contempt. Dr Cid's words resonate in my head. You are a soldier, you must dress as such. For the moment I allow it because it's always better than the clothes I came out with …Mm… Out that horrible horrible place.

 _ _Good morning, Master Kefka. I hope everything is to your liking.__

A woman greets me down the stairs. Her voice is slightly different and that's enough to suppose that it's not the same maid.


	14. New self 7

**Fandom:** Final Fantasy VI (Squaresoft/Square-Enix)

 **Character:** Kefka Palazzo

 **Word:** Death

I do not know exactly where this hatred came from, this repulsion, this rivalry, the need to overcome a competition that nobody has demanded.

It is also ridiculous to want to beat an already dead opponent. That already makes you the winner. And yet nothing has been enough to stop it.

It was his death that gave me life.

The right thing to do would be to feel grateful, appreciate the person who he was, admire the actions that led him to it but I refuse just as I refuse to live at the expense of a shadow.

He left, he was lost in the immensity, among the souls that were forced to live in his body but I managed to come, I am here.

What I do know is that every time I detest more and more his memory, his mere mention is enough to twitch me.

I'm not him, he's dead.

Of course I do not manifest these words aloud. Once labeled as insane, any action or word loses its relevance. Anyway, there's not much I can prove my words with. What I possess has been his, the people I know is because they already knew him… I should even use his name without one of my own!

Fortunately, there is something that is mine and only mine. Her care was placed in my charge and not his, circumstances made it so.

It must have been due that fact that I definitely looked for other ways of doing to other people understand and see that I was not him although it is reasonable that people very attached to him still look for him in me.

Here another good reason why I need to be seen. If it were not for him, would I have been so likable? Hmm?


	15. Past self 8

**Fandom:** Final Fantasy VI (Squaresoft/Square-Enix)

 **Character:** Kefka Palazzo

 **Word:** Surprise

The beginning of that distant day was quite predictable.

She would be responsible for awakening me by sending the noisy of my stepbrother, who given his age was not surprising so much the energy concentrated in such a small body, often adorned by several bruises thanks to his incessant clumsiness under his clothes.

That's if the maid did not come before…

 _Time to wake up!_ He screamed around the room until I 'his older brother' ordered him to shut up quickly. With a few moments of silence, he would speak to me again. _Mother says to get dressed and get out immediately! She has prepared pancakes for breakfast!_

Unnecessary information because if I concentrated enough I could enjoy the sweet smell of bread frying in the pan, encouraging my stomach to emit a growl while my tongue paced my pink lips. Washing and dressing as fast as I could still suspecting that the realization of such a delicious delicacy could mean went down willing to endure whatever it was, hearing behind him the accelerated descent of the child with very curly hair, as well as his father's, the fishmonger The aversion between I and this man was so great that I did not even bother to address him by his name, nor did I ever consider him a father, he was a stranger who had tricked my mother.

Her soft, warm kiss was enough to welcome me into the kitchen, of measures very different from that of our true home, much more austere. The red mark that remained to separate them from my skin made a brief smile of satisfaction emerge. I was always satisfied with the signs of unconditional affection she gave me, especially when the fishmonger was watching me sitting in his corner of the of the elongated wooden table covered with hand-woven tablecloths, given in the dowry.

 _It was already time! Hurry up and eat all the pancakes, in the living room someone very special awaits you._ It stung me as only she knew how to do it, adding a wink that did nothing but confirm my suspicions but it was like a game, just between us, and I loved it.

Taking my weapons; knife and fork, I nodded with a twinkle in the eyes that denoted the intensity of my curiosity on the pale blue background that were my irises, previous step to the gobbling of the fried bread adorned by thin layers of caramel, always observed absorbed by my stepbrother, sitting across from me in another chair, merely distracted by the fall of some unwelcome chestnut curl.

In fact, sitting in a chair covered by fabric of boring color rested a beautiful creature. Just as big and delicate as the small Tomaso but more silent, with an eternal smile that accompanied large but languid eyes as if the little lady was about to fall asleep or in the middle of her wait had been lost in her own thoughts there was the little dancer who had won me with golden hair and skin almost as pale as my own. Just as I had seen her behind the window, under golden letters, of the only toy store in the city of Albrook, dressed in fine reddish clothes with pink gauze sewn recreating the skirt of a tutu to match the fine pink ribbons that kept their incessant straw-colored curls at bay. Before the expectant look of it, I took her with an unimaginable care in a boy with the fame that I had to embrace her. Even if I was aware of the attentive eyes fixed on mine, I did not release her until the exclamation of my mother and the small Tomaso startled me:

 _Happy Birthday!_

"I knew there was cheating." It was my answer, sullen for anyone who did not know me as well as she, nevertheless my smile, from ear to ear, left no doubt that I had triumphed.

 _Now we can celebrate this day like any other boy._ She added, pressing me against her chest, running her fingers through my hair, slightly wavy and luminous like the sun. _Because even if you see it without sense or hateful, there will always be someone who does it, do not take away that illusion, my doll._

 _I'll settle for receiving such a nice gift…_ I Replied, giving ground. Only for her because, who else would do it? I heard her laugh softly before being released.

I felt that my excuses for not celebrating had lost weight even if I kept thinking the same about it. If people wanted to do it for me I would have to shrug and accept it, reluctantly, but accept it. Listen to stupid songs and everything else…


	16. New self 8

**Fandom:** Final Fantasy VI (Squaresoft/Square-Enix)

 **Character:** Kefka Palazzo

 **Word:** Weakness

There was a time in my life it wasn´t that bothering, reflecting about it with both hands together and long white fingers together under my nose, slightly pressed over my thin red lips, doing a big effort I was more and less able to remember a young boy with blond curls taking a knife from one of the drawers in dark wood the forniture of the kitchen had. The first time just putting his little self to the test but the next ones aware of his mother´s reaction, as a way of punishment. Mainly because his little experiment had an almost unexplained result as if Mother Goddess would protect him softening the pain until one day his favourite soldier proved it had a logical explanation. When the disappointed blond boy wrinkled his nose, that act made him laugh.

But now, opening again my icy blue eyes and looking down, studying in silence the ornate weapon of small golden handle and sharp blade of medium size, the things seemed to have changed more than I myself could expect. Curving his lips colored in strong red, I found some relief in magic but my own mind liked to trick me and the few basic incantations learned to protect myself required twice the amount of time than Miss perfect or my doll would need. Curving them down and frowning, showing a sad grin, stroking the shining blade with a finger I decided I had to prepare my body for pain.

Taking it between my fingers, closing anew my eyes as my head was slowly tilted back, having previously removed some layers of gaudy clothing and unbuttoned practically all the gold buttons of the penultimate, I let the dagger touch his cold and soft skin. Even the most subtle of the cuts was unbearable, his body shook with an intensity that only felt when a stab dared to corrupt, like I was aware, now much more than before, there were a lot of grades of pain but that in particular was the worse, the only one that caused tremors in my legs, knocking me to my knees as my own blood flowed dying my pure skin of a darkened red color, so saturated every time He saw it between his fingers. The same way I couldn´t control myself manifesting pleasure, I couldn´t hold back a cry that became a howl achieving high levels of acuity, putting the willies who hear it and toring his vocal cords. Hehe, trully, to hear me scream was worse than hear me laughing hysterically. With irritated eyes and my whole body tense, calm didn´t come until its own defense system spread a nice feeling, those acts only helped my healing magic manifest faster. Breathing deeper, I put both hands to my head. My body had began to relax segregating cold sweat, ugh, deforming my neat makeup.

Cleaning the dagger with one of the multiple handkerchief I always had at hand as the little faddish it is said I am, I tried to reflect about the experience. Getting rid of my clothes and plunging into a bath of hot water after, I would write the following in my personal notebook. Pain was as scary as amazing.

I must be more careful in battle with knifes.


	17. Past self 9

**Fandom:** Final Fantasy VI (Squaresoft/Square-Enix)

 **Character:** Kefka Palazzo (Pre-Insanity)

 **Word:** Triumph

Cid had insisted that I stay a little longer with a confidential story that he wanted to share personally and alone.

If my heart was accelerated subtly was because of anticipation, my intuition made me foresee the news. After a long and hard year being tested twice in order to prove my validity as the rest of the volunteers for the project that was about to take shape Cid could only confirm or deny me that all that effort had been worth it or not.

My fingers drummed on the smooth surface that was the dark table of his office impatient, sitting in front of him.

 _ _Cid, my friend, I remind you that I'm in a hurry.__ I told him after a while, aware of what my absence could imply. I did not want to reach the agreed upon point with Leo and that the boy had already left, exhausted and disappointed.

Besides, if it were not for the time I had with him, I would have sworn that I was ignored in the search for the official document among lots of other papers. Definitely as Leo would have said, they put me to the test with him.

 _ _At last!__ He exclaimed triumphantly, resuming his seat in front of me. __Here is the document that verifies that you are one of those chosen for the experiment. Congratulations!__ He added professionally, extending an arm to shake my hand. I blinked before taking mine and shake his.

After holding the document between my fingers to examine its contents. It was real, real, I mentally repeated myself before leaving it again in the center of the wide table. I quickly recognized my signature and the next moment the signatures of each one of those who had been my judges. There had been times when I had regretted failing and insisting on a second chance seeking Cid's agreement but that was indeed a resounding victory. I took a deep breath and simply said:

 _ _I thank you, Cid.__

Although I was the one who had outdone himself in order to reach the goal. The redhead with increasingly pale hair every day nodded with a slight smile despite his denials wanting to be happy too.


	18. New self 9

**Fandom:** Final Fantasy VI (Squaresoft/Square-Enix)

 **Character:** Kefka Palazzo

 **Word:** Alliance

Leo looked at me forcing me to look back at him. No words were necessary to catch the warning in the hardness that his two eyes transmitted, firm under two bushy eyebrows acquiring greater clarity under the rays of the desert sun, shining like thick gold threads.

 _Relax, I know how to behave._

I reminded him when each one looked away to direct his eyes to the front. The most extravagant of my repertoire being the repetition of a tap against the arid floor that we stepped on with a foot covered by the leather of the footwear. It had no value that my partner would remind me of the relevance of each action in this diplomatic mission, that only increased the tension and unfortunately the opportunities to release it were over.

However, Leo would feel the duty to say it again. Lovely!

 _Seriously, this is important. You better moderate yourself before the future King of Figaro..._

Or? The temptation to reply was powerful, but clenching my fists I managed to contain both the desire to protest and to release some magic. If I am opposed to participating in certain missions, it is for a reason but no one can refuse the orders of the Emperor.

 _I promise that I will try_

I assured returning to a less worrisome state, my fingers losing strength and the space around me losing unnatural temperature.

We both smiled practically at the same time when after a wait that had seemed eternal the colosal gates in front of us opened. One of the few moments that my partner and I shared the same emotion. Previous entry, through a simple gesture, we indicated to the small group that had accompanied us all the way, composed of three soldiers, to accompany us inside. They obeyed and advanced with all the gear on their shoulders.


	19. Past self 10

**Fandom:** Final Fantasy VI (Squaresoft/Square-Enix)

 **Character:** Kefka Palazzo (Pre-Insanity)

 **Word:** Love

He liked me.

Do you want to know if I also liked him?

Not too much although I still remember his eyes, the color was alluring as the color of the stones under the water of the river.

So how did it happen?

Well, it had been a hard day for both my teammates and me, probably longer than expected. As tedious and exhausting as the sequences of exercises were during the hours established for their development in the vastness of the smooth tracks for this purpose inside the Imperial Castle, once caught the rhythm they were not so bad in comparison with how much it offered us to cross the muddy terrain between trees of varied thickness, to border the river noticing the grouping of stones against the soles of our shod feet or the ascent to the mountains that rose above. The return to the camp was more than deserved in the last moments of sunlight or according to the speed in the passage of each soldier, already started the night. In the same way the food that was obtained was more than just. Even those boys whose noble ancestry was captured in their faces filled their mouths avidly, putting each piece of hot food with their hands, causing loud laughter in the lower caste companions, gathered around the assigned fire. The pieces of metal armor piled up next to other possessions inside each tent.

I should have been more attentive but the fatigue accumulated throughout the day, forced not to be left behind while overcoming each challenge, did not facilitate the necessary concentration, accompanying the numbness of each part of my used body. However, hungry and tired, with sore feet I only thought of the rest that awaited me when dinner was over, my eyes fixed on the fire. It even took an elbow to attend to the person who had approached the bonfire in which I was. The executor sat next to me earning a tetchy look until using the index finger of a hand indicated the presence of the visitor.

 _Hello again._ The boy repeated before throwing his tempting proposal. _I have alcohol, if you want, we could drink a little together._

The group was upset at once, thanks to the magic word. All demanding to be also chosen even though the comrade was clear that he was only interested in me, leading to a furious reaction against me. To refuse ended up being impossible.

 _Let's go to try it then..._

I knew that even being in the age range that the Imperial laws allowed the consumption of beverages with this component for these outputs had been categorically prohibited. The truth, I was surprised that he had such audacity once we got to his tent. It was arriving and turning my head before entering the interior that I realized how far apart the bonfires and tents were, that led me to think for a brief moment about two things. The first one that it should belong to another group or that we were in the zone agreed upon for our instructors.

 _Please, make yourself comfortable._

He indicated me fulfilling his role as host, moving forward to allow me space. The ground was carpeted so that the sliding of my knees was not complicated, also giving me a hint about his social position. The cushions too. Leaning on one, I listened to his recommendation and proceeded to remove my heavy boots, I could not contain the moan of pleasure that the release produced me.

 _If you want, I can do you a massage._ I heard him add, giggly.

 _Nah._ It was my reply. I did not mean to sound rude but it really was not necessary. As soon as I had a drink, I would leave. _I'm fine._

In order to obtain more luminosity than the one offered by the starry sky that was glimpsed in the ceiling that we had of fine fabric we lit the lantern that became the main light when it was placed in the center, between us two and the bottle that the boy took out shortly after. Opening it, turning the cap a few times, we drank in turns. Its flavor did not please me at all, I more accustomed to the taste of wine, the perfect excuse I used to communicate my departure but against my plans, concerned about placing each boot in the corresponding foot, I could not react to his spontaneous action and I quickly saw myself falling on my back. Ouch! My head hitting the ground fully.

 _Sorry_

His voice made me open my eyes to meet his own at a very short distance, centimeters.

 _I did not want it to be like that but I do not want to miss the opportunity..._

His cheeks, clear as mine were reddened, I could not tell if consequence of alcohol or attraction. The pressure of his lips against mine was like a prelude, opening his mouth to introduce his tongue in the moment I opened mine to snarl. Equally daring his hands came down my neck, being hidden under the collar of the shirt that made up our khaki uniforms and unbuttoning a button reaching the collarbone. Fair skin remaining in view over some black fabric. Man, if I wanted to get out, I would have to use the same force. Using the many or few in reserve I had, I turned to the opposite side where the lantern was, waiting for both of us to stay on the darkened ground. It did not come out easily, my attack was appeased and I received what I deserved. The affectionate hands that had caressed my neck clung to it, all the fingers that wrapped around pressing against my flesh.

At first I struggled, out of desperation or fury, but then realizing how useless it was, noticing more compression and the difficulty it brought in each breath, I accepted it, believing myself close to death. It began to become less virulent when the loss of oxygen produced a sickening sensation of dizziness, of the style to which ether was inhalated more than drinking alcohol. I felt my body less and less mine, drowsy. There came a point that I do not remember exactly the cessation of the asphyxiation or that the owner of the causative hands noticed before me an untimely reaction in my body. Let's say that regaining deprived breath is not an instantaneous process neither. I coughed as if my lungs were filled with water instead of new air and I opened my eyes. On top of me, he was still sitting but it was not his weight that I noticed. It seemed that all the blood in the brain had decided to concentrate on an area that did not correspond in such a delicate moment.

His eyes threw a suggestion that his lips did not need to formulate because he was willing to do so in the next instant. Still feeling very fascinated with the phenomenon, I did not object and of course I did not want to go back that way. He was quite gentle with his caresses, recreating himself in the sensation of its warmth and smoothness. Belt and pants unbuttoned, hand inside my underpants delighted, touching as if touching himself. It felt disgustingly good...

A pity the intrusion and consequent catch on the part of one of our superiors, his attitude being excessively negative. Alcohol remaining in the background though. Already separated from me, I fastened everything that was unbuttoned and recovering the boot of the foot that remained, being held by the collar of the shirt by the general I returned to my camp.

I know what you think, I could have told him that it was a trap but when Wilson gets that way with me there is no explanation that works. Also I could not explain the erection, totally misinterpreted by the other boy. I was already pretty considered gay and humiliated by him. The sooner it was forgotten, the better.

On arrival, he forced me to throw me a bucket of cold water, used to put out the fire and enter my tent to rest.

That was all.


	20. New self 10

**Fandom:** Final Fantasy VI (Squaresoft/Square-Enix)

 **Character:** Kefka Palazzo

 **Word:** Damage

Breathe I recommended myself perceiving how each beat of my heart was faster than the previous one, the blood flowing more and more hot causing a perspiration that was not even sweat but steam, breathe and close your eyes as you learned or you will suffer a cardiac attack I continued telling myself, moving my lips without any sound escaping them but I was so angry, that even the mere attempt to contain all that anger caused me pain. Twisting, my hands were on my forehead, my fingers curled. Shaking the head, a choked cry gradually came out as I felt the skin burn. I took a deep breath and my nose filled with the smell of fire, strong and unpleasant as clothes and burned flesh. I fell on my knees until the fire consumed me and in the same way it came it faded away. That did not stop my scream from prolonging until my already torn voice was broken.

I hated it! I hated it! I HATED IT!

But along with a few other things it was part of the price to pay for a little power. I only noticed the clothes stuck to the skin and the skin breaking like the old skin of a snake ready to detach itself and thus emerge the same creature with a new layer but my layer was never sticky, rather it seemed to become harder. That forced me to go without delay to the nursing area where patiently a qualified nurse helped me get rid of this layer and smeared some specific ointment thus delaying the pick up of the subject that I had been requested to take under my charge. Or that was seen in one of the various papers that I had signed following direct orders from the Emperor himself during what seemed to me an interminable hour, although I was not sure that this had happened today.

I felt strange the moment I saw my fragile skin without any kind of cream covering it like an unpolished sculpture or some sketches on the paper without defining it through different colors. Devoid of essence, undefined and that disturbed me while awake but my reaction was less aggressive towards others than a few years ago. I did not like to wear the garments that were offered but sighing I had no choice but to accept them.

Fortunately, Dr. Cid understood better than anyone what these outbursts of anger cause, so you do not need many explanations. The good doctor would take note of what happened in order to record the incident in my long and heavy history and with one of his best smiles, despite the accentuated wrinkles on his forehead following the curve of his bent eyebrows, he would accompany me all the way It took to cross the nursing area because only the doctors or the nursing directors owned the keys that limited the sections inside the Imperial Castle.

 _ _I'm sure Terra will understand.__ I heard his name for the first time in that attempt to cheer me up. __After all, we think that she will manifest her magic in a not very different way.__ He added, perhaps reflecting on her double nature.

I sat down, I did not feel like talking and when I did not feel like doing something, I just did not do it. I also felt slightly tired.


	21. Past self 11

**Character:** Kefka Palazzo (Pre-Insanity)

 **Word:** Plans

 _Well, what am I supposed to see?_

After an exhaustive moment of observation to the long and fine papers that Cid had brought with him to show me with a smile of pride present on his face I said, my clear irises still fixed in the pencil strokes on the surface.

Cid laughed incredulously to hear such doubt, perhaps waiting for something else to come out of my mouth. Shaking his head, he took away his importance and using the index finger pointing at the figures he soon revealed their function.

 _Here you have the close-ups of a machine prototype that will keep the specimens under control..._ And insisted pushing his finger away, his interest in my opinion had not diminished. _Now that you understand it better, what do you think?_

 _Oh yes._ Then I remembered that Cid had already told me about the need to keep the specimens inside the laboratory although I did not know for what purposes until it was announced. _Then there will be more work with them right?_ My eyes were focused on him.

Our boss, at the head of the team and project nodded adding:

 _There are big plans for them following Gestahl's orders._

 _So I think we should group them in a bigger place, judging the size of each tube._

I just gave him a thought about it, trying to imagine each figure fitted plus the weight and height of each creature. Throwing my back back in the chair adopting a more comfortable posture.


End file.
